I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. How many times can I write it? I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I don’t know what to say or do. I am in shock. I am drinking wine. I am cooking dinner. I am going to school. I am going to work. Moving through the motions, hoping no one will talk to me. Because I will probably argue. Discontent runs deep. Maybe I can feel it in my veins. Maybe I can feel it in the pulses of my patients, as I thread the needle into their artery hoping to pull some life out of the nothing that is left.

I pull it from the artery, and I find no answer.

Just satisfaction in a job that is right for the people and not the individual. I keep it alive until the cord is pulled, and everyone realizes it wasn’t right in the first place.


Please don’t talk to me, I have nothing to say. I only have one thing on my mind. Please don’t engage in conversation, because I have no room for opinions on this man. I have no patience for freedom of speech, except to speak out against such outrage. When did it become you, the only human on earth that matters? When did someone else value life less than you? When did someone else matter less than you? Aren’t we all born from a mother and a father, no matter if you know them? Don’t we all come into the world with no morals? Isn’t everything outside of the breathing and eating a learned habit? Do you ever think of the history behind the violence?

I sure do. I suppose I can see the frustration that comes with lack of power and money on both sides. I can see the fear for your family that associates you with someone that has absurd values, especially while running one of the “most powerful” countries. But cant you see the other side? Do you not feel empathy?

I ask – with all of my heart, gut, and head – why does your life matter more than theirs? Is it your belongings? Is it your family? What kind of life is led by fear? One with a tv and a nice car in the driveway?

Is it making sure you have food on the table at the cost of others’ survival? I can understand a fear of survival in a world of competition. And it isn’t your fault that money runs the world. But every single fucking person I know that voted for trump has god damn food on the table and a house to live in, and the privilege of skin color.

I can’t look so many people in the eye. I have no room for excuses. You are human, just like the rest of people. And news cast, the planet is fucked. Climate change is real.

Diversity is important, just as biodiversity is. And we are all the road to hell. Whatever the fuck that is.


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